Two Blogs

I have 2 blogs, this one I don't update as much but I'm more open here. I guess it's because of the people I know read my other one, and some stuff I'd like to write about I don't want them to read.

Work has been a little rough recently, but it was expected this month. Considering I'm really the only surgery tech right now I knew it was going to be difficult. I've been running out of time to get things done, and honestly I've never been one that enjoys paperwork.

My home life is happy, minus the stress of my house not selling. I think I've been dealing with that part okay, but I do have a bad day every now and then. I get over it and move on. I am enjoying the new puppy, even when she's a brat. Next month is vacation, a real vacation. No painting allowed! Just some relaxing time with the man I love. I am looking forward to that more than I can say.

So Halloween is tomorrow and we'll be going out, I don't think in costume. Going to another show that will probably make me feel old. It should be interesting.

I am going to try and keep my head up and not worry so much. (This is hard for me) I was hoping to have the house sold before the end of the year, we'll see if that happens. I did lower the price again. Damnit. Stupid economy. Now it's back to wait and see. There's one other thing on my mind but I don't feel ready to write about that one, for now.

Updates

So what's been going on? Well the house still hasn't sold, big surprise there. It is probably the worst time to sell a house, but I need to stick it out for a little while longer.

We got a puppy! Her name is Kaya, and she's a mutt. She's also a handful, but a good dog all in all. She loves chasing my kitty Mr.Man around the house. I am not so sure he is as fond of it as she is, but at least it makes him exercise.

For some reason I have hit puberty at age 34. Go figure. I have been skinny all my life, and people always told me "Just wait until your 30, that metabolism will change." It did when I was 32 and I finally gained enough weight to be in the normal weight range for my height. As a result I actually have boobs now. Going from a 34 not even an A to 36B is pretty darn exciting. I'm not pregnant, I checked. They have just decided to sprout up and check out what the world has to offer. If they stick around I will buy them pretty things to wear. So that's something good that has happened.

My job is nuts right now. I think I'm handling it okay. We'll see how the next few weeks go. Basically when I started in the surgery department I had 3 other techs with me. Slowly over the past few months they have all left. One was fired, one had to move away because of her husband's schooling, and one was offered a better paying job in research. I can understand the last girl leaving for better pay since she has 4 kids (2 sets of twins, I can't even imagine) and a husband who is self employed. Considering they have not hired anyone to replace these people, that leaves me. Granted there are a couple of days of the week where an ICU tech comes in to help me, but still. I'm a little worried as to how all this is going to play out. They are looking to hire someone, but the right person hasn't applied yet. I will cross my fingers and wait it out. Hmmmm, that seems to be a running theme in my life right now.

My back has been flaring up again, which is making me gimpy. I went back to the doc, and I'm back on Prednisone. It worked the first time, it does not seem to be working this time.

So what's the solution to all of life's little problems? Pack up your bags and head to the beach, with the man you love and your cute little puppy. Enjoy the sun on your skin, the sand between your toes, and ride the wave. I'm trying not to worry about things, which can be difficult for me, but I am trying. I am going to let life happen where it has to go at it's own pace, and take control of the parts I can change.

I'm just happy with the person I have become over the past few years. The huge changes I have made have all been worth it. I used to have problems with self esteem, and to a certain extent I still do. That's okay, I'm human. I probably always will, but I know I'm a good person and that I'm loved. That's what counts in the end. In general I'm happy, everything else will work itself out eventually.

Keep on moving along

It has been a hard couple of months. My house is on the market in Los Angeles, no buyers yet. Lot's of people have been looking, just no takers. It's too bad, it's a great little house. I want it to sell so I can move on with my life. Plus there is a really cute house I want to buy, I just need to get rid of the first one. The stress of it all is driving me a bit nuts.

Last week my grandfather passed away, he was the last grandparent I had left. It's kind of weird because I keep thinking now all I can do is watch my own parents get older. It's part of the reason I don't want to move back to Los Angeles. My Dad is fine, but my Mom lives alone and already has some medical issues. I just don't think it's a good idea to be that far away from her. So if I'm meant to stay then the house will sell and I will find something closer than the other side of the country.

My work life has been nuts too. There have been lots of staffing changes, and that has left me working a lot more hours. It's good for my paycheck, but sometimes it just wears me down.

Right now I'm just trying to take life as it comes. I'm trying hard not to let things get to me. I need a real vacation. When i went to L.A. I spent the entire time working on my house, and I didn't get to go do all things I wanted to do. I was really hoping to go see my dogs in San Francisco, but that didn't happen either. I really hope the doggies are doing okay, I miss them.

It's kind of funny, now that the house is on the market I never hear from my ex-husband anymore. He used to call me when he was broke to ask me when I was going to sell the house. Sure there would be small talk as well, but the main point of the conversation was to get me to sell the house. He gets a portion of the profits, and he wants it. I know it sucks to be broke, but I hated the pressure he put on me. That would be another thing that would be nice about selling the house. Then his life would be up to him, and he'd quit asking me to bail him out.

As far as my personal life, I'm happy. I know there is a lot of stress right now, but I'm happy with my life. I just keep plugging along and I know the stressful parts will pass. They always do, sometimes it just takes time. I have decided if I don't like something in my life I will change it. I spent to many years just living day to day, and not enjoying myself. Life is too short for that. I am taking the steps to change the things I don't like. It's just going to take time for those steps to completed. In the meantime I'm just going to keep my head up, and move forward day by day.

On the plane

Right now I'm flying a few thousand feet above the ground. The plane is filled with kids I guess heading out for 4th of July holiday. A few kicks to the back of seat, but it's not bothering me yet. After all it's a pretty long flight from one coast to the other. Sitting here looking out the windows staring at the clouds. Then I heard a little girl ask her mom if she was going to see fairies or giants. I remember thinking about that when I was little too. Never did get to see one though. Clouds are always amasing to me up close. They look like a solid object that you could just reach scoop up an armful and bury your head in it's fluffy cloudy goodness.

I have never realized how much stuff I need that I don't have until I looked in the SkyMall catalog. All of the lastest inventions and random stuff you could want. Like the pizza cutter that uses scissor technology
along with a triangular spatula attached. Various ways to decrease stress, and disinfect the world around you. Even a brownie pan designed so that everyone can have a toasty edge piece. Plus furniture with so many compartments built in it's amazing. I'm guess that so you will have more room to buy some more stuff from SkyMall. Of course they have a website http://www.skymall.com

Just touched down in Las Vegas, but I don't have to change planes. It's really very pretty flying in over the desert. As soon as you start seeing patches of grass houses starting appearing. I am think that most of the grass is manufactored, meaning it's not part of the natural habitat. Eh but people like grass on their laws so let's make it happen.

I keep dozing off on this flight. One more leg to go. Las Vegas to Burbank.

Sitting at the airport

I'm at the airport sitting in a bar, waiting for my flight to leave. In a few hours I'll be back at my house in Los Angeles that I haven't lived in for almost 2 years. Weird. It's before 5 and I'm having a drink. I know it's before 5, but it's been a hell of a week. Plus I have to get on a plane! Flying is not my favorite thing, but I've gotten better at it. I wish someone else was flying with me to keep me distracted. Hmmm I think I was hungrier than I thought I just sucked down a burger and fries. Plus a Jack and Coke. Something about airport bars make me want a Jack and Coke. Maybe it's all the untold stories that are around you. Every person is flying from somewhere, to somewhere. I always want to know why. Up until a couple of years ago I never understood the long hugs and kisses that took place. I get that now. So I just wish I knew all the stories. Are they just going on holiday vacation, maybe a wedding, or a funeral? Are they going to see long lost friends, or may fulfill a long lived desire for adventure? Who know. I do end up finding out some of them. Strangers like to talk to me. I must look approachable and non threatening. So wish me luck. One long flight and I'll be back in sunny California wondering if I'm going to want to stay.

4 weeks away

I four weeks I'm going to be in Los Angeles, I'm getting super excited about this trip. It will be nice to step foot into my little house again. It's been over a year since I've been back, and it's really time to get these loose ends tied up. No matter what that means. If it means moving back, then so be it let's get on with it. If it means the house gets sold, then that's good too. So it's pretty much a win-win situation. The only part that would really suck about going back would be the actual move. It's far away, and would require some major expense. I can deal with that, it just comes with the territory. I really hope I have time to do everything I need to do while I'm in L.A. so that I can get some time to go see my dogs in San Francisco.

My back has been doing much better. The new doc I went to has a plan, and I'm working on it. The meds he gave me don't make me loopy and I can do my job again, for the most part. I'm still taking it easy for the time being. I am glad I'm doing better considering there is a cross country flight coming up soon.

My job is going well, my review will be this week. I really hate reviews, it's not that I'm worried about it or anything. It's just weird to me for some reason. I believe a raise is coming out of this review, so I'll just tough it up and listen. I have to think of 3 goals to accomplish in the next year as well, bleh. The surgery department has been interesting, it's a lot different than ICU. For one, most of my patients are sedated, which decreases my likelihood of being bit. That's always good. I just started taking on call shifts, and that's a bit nerve wracking. You keep waiting for the phone to ring, and it did every day this past weekend. I am only doing on call 2 weekends out of the month, which is fine by me.

So that's it for now, a basic update of what's been going on. Things are slowly calming down. Very slowly. I just keep plugging ahead.

Another trip

I just booked a flight to Los Angeles. It's time to go back and fix up my house and sell it. If it doesn't sell, I'll move back. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I told my tenant to leave and I gave him more than enough time to find another place to live, 2 1/2 months to be exact. Way more than fair. I really hope this goes well and I can handle everything that may get thrown my way. Clay will help me, he's really good at making me see things through the stress.

I have also been dealing with some medical issues this month. I hurt my back somehow, and I've been dealing with doctors all month. I started at the ER, went to a specialist, now I'm waiting for an appointment with a different specialist. It sucks monkey butt. Right now I'm just looking forward to some time in Southern California. Got to love the "land of illusion", I think I will pretend I'm rich with unlimited resources. That sounds good right?

Have a nice day. More info later.

A new plan

I finally told my tenant in my house in Los Angeles that he needs to move out. Which means soon there will be a trip to California to get the house all gussied up to put on the market. Then I will attempt to sell it, if that doesn't work I'll move back. I know the market kind of sucks right now, but I have to take the chance to see if I can get this huge headache off of my plate. I am sick of the stress of owning a house on the other side of the country. Plus I'll never be able to buy a home to live in if I don't sell it. Keep your fingers crossed that everything will go smoothly, and it will sell quickly. I really need for the stress in my life to go away or at least minimize it.

Back in NC

Well I'm back from Chicago, it was fun. The moving part wasn't very fun but that was part of the trip. We got to go out to some places that we missed. It's weird, they've made a smoking ban in bars in Chicago and it's changed the whole atmosphere of certain places. So when we went out we didn't stay for long really. All in all the trip was good, and I enjoyed being away for a few days. It's nice to get out of town and have a change of environment. One good thing about this trip was picking up the rest of our stuff from the apartment. Now for the first time in well over a year all of my stuff will be in one place. I will have my dresser back! Clay will have all his tools. Now it's time to save some money and really get ahead of the game for a change. That will be nice.

Road Trip

Okay, not really, a plane trip. This weekend it's off to Chicago! A weekend of cold, possibly rain, and moving. Woohoo. Actually I'm excited about the trip, just not the moving part. We're both flying up, I'm flying back a couple days before Clay. He's driving the truck back. For the first time in well over a year all my stuff will be in one place. The running joke is that it's just in time to pack it up and move somewhere else. I am excited about the food, and going to a non state regulated liquor store. That makes me sound like a lush, but whatever. I like the fact that I can buy liquor on sale with coupons. That won't happen in NC. Competition is a good thing when it comes to retail pricing. Time to get the stuff out of the apartment and wipe one more bill of the board.

My tenant in LA has paid all his back rent. Finally! Now if I can keep him current he can stay. Otherwise it's time to go! I just want to sell the house and be done with all the headaches.

That's my life right now. My new position at work is going well and I'm learning a lot. I'll stay there at least long enough to be able to put it on my resume before I move to the next town. Life keeps moving forward. Let's cross our fingers that the tax gods smile upon me. Toodles.

2 weeks

Two more weeks then it's off to Chicago. I'm getting excited. It's going to be fun. It will be so nice to get away from NC, back to a real city. Plus to get to spend four days with Clay is going to be good too. Ahhh March, this year it is filled with all kinds of stressful adventures, but it's good. It will be nice to have all our stuff in one place. Just in time to pack it up and move it somewhere else.

What's next?

I am 2 months in to the new year and I am getting restless. Raleigh is not my home anymore, and it hasn't been for a long time. I am missing city life, and I don't care what anyone says Raleigh is not a real city. This place is driving me nuts. It's boring! I need to find somewhere else to go. The only problem is that I really like my job here. I really don't like being this close to my family. My mom is nice and all, but it's the expectation that when she wants something it has to be today. Like we don't have anything else going on. It can get frustrating sometimes.

Okay and the one other part about moving again that would suck, is the actual moving part. The expense, the packing, the unpacking. When my husband and I split, he pretty much got all the stuff we owned. Now I have gotten new stuff and I don't want to give it up again. So selling what I own to move is not an option.

I know everything will work out. It's just going to tak some time. Right
now I need to concentrate on the moving of the rest of our stuff from Chicago to Raleigh. Getting everything in one place. Then we can pick it all up and move somewhere else. Fun stuff.

Surgery

So it's my second week as a surgery tech. It's been pretty interesting so far. There is soooo much to learn. I'm enjoying it all. Today I got to assist from beginning to end all on my own. That includes blood work, catheter, induction, anesthesia, post-op recovery, and setting up post op treatment sheet. Plus the surgery was 4 1/2 hours long. It was a bilateral TECA (Total Ear Canal Ablation). Which means we removed both of the ear canals and sewed them up. So now the poor doggie is deaf, but on the plus side no more ear infections. So that was my day at work. Not bad, just long.

Everything else in life is going pretty well. My tenant paid all his back rent to me. Now he just has to stay on time with future payments or get out. I can't be nice about it anymore. It's just the way it has to be.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. We should be going out to dinner somewhere nice. Maybe I'll go get a purty new outfit to wear. It will be nice day, because it's also my day off. I need to go to the gym as well.

So there's my life as it stands right now. Not bad at all. I just had my annual checkup and my PAP smear came back normal which is always good news. (Did you really want to know that? Probably not, but it's part of my day.)

Heading to Chicago

I just made a flight reservation to head to Chicago in March. Clay is happy, because he gets to go home. It will be nice. Our apartment lease is up at the beginning of April, and since we seem to be staying in North Carolina for the time being, it's time to get rid of the apartment. That's right, if you have read past entries, I have a house in Los Angeles, an apartment in Chicago, and a rental house in North Carolina. How am I not eating cat food? Who knows really. It will be nice to head back to a large city, I miss being in a city. It's time to move forward though, and getting rid of the apartment is one of the requirements for that. My tenant in L.A. has been handed down the ultimatum, and we'll see what happens there. He has until the end of the week to come up with all the back rent or he has to move out. If he has to move out, then I'll sell the house and be done with it. Woohoo!! 2008 is starting out in a pretty interesting way. I really think by the end of this year I'll have a long term plan worked out, and it will be in full swing.

My job is changing, I will no longer be an ICU Nurse. I'm moving to the surgery department next week. I'm a little nervouse about this, it's like starting a whole new job. I'm excited though, to learn new things. It gets me a Monday through Friday schedule, except the weekends that I'll be on cal. That won't happen for a few months, I have to be trained first. This year is full of all kinds of changes that I'm enjoying.

My new car is working out pretty well. I like having a car that starts on the first try. Plus the heated seats are quite a bonus. Defrost is nice too. It's very weird for me to have a new car, it's one of things I never thought would happen to me. I know that may be silly, it's pretty easy to get financing for a car. But still, just something I never thought about doing.

So I hope all is well for whatever random person is reading this. I know I don't have the most exciting life. I enjoy it, and I'm happy. So that's what counts.

Ultimatum

Well I told my friend/tenant that he has until the end of the month to get me all the back rent or he has to find somewhere else to live. It's something I didin't really want to say, because I know he likes living there. Plus I don't really have the time to go back to L.A. and deal with the details of getting the house ready to sell. Blah! I had to do it though, for my own sanity. To be honest, I just want to sell it and move on with my life. I want that chapter of my life closed. There are a lot of memories associated with that house. Some good, some bad. They are best left as memories, I don't want to go back. Los Angeles as a city is pretty cool, there is lots of fun things to do there. I don't think I ever want to live there again. I want to continue to move forward. 

Bru ha ha

I tell you, I'm an emotional wreck today. I feel like crying and for no real reason. Maybe it's PMS. Maybe living in Raleigh is just getting to me. Maybe the fact that this whole buying a car thing has turned in to such a process. Maybe because my friend and tenant never seems to pay all his rent, or on time. Maybe the whole paperwork thing trying to get the house completely in my own name. It's just a lot for one person to deal with at the same time. My ex has a bad habit of not paying his bills, and I worry if I don't get his name off the title of the house I'll end paying for it. I don't really know anything right now. I just want a nice dark hole to crawl in to for a day or so. Okay that's just being dramatic. Going out of town this weekend sounds like a better option, a change of pace and scenery. That's what I need. That and maybe a plane ticket to California to go work out some details. Meh! (Stomps off and hides)

Frustrated

I have been trying to get certified copies of my divorce agreement, so I can the title of the house changed over to me and update my loan info. I want to get my ex's name off the loan, and I don't want to have to find him to sign papers if I want to sell the house. It has been a frustrating process. Basically I need to be in California so I can go to the courthouse and pick up copies. I can't order them over the phone, but I can mail in a request. Although through the mail you have to guesstimate the costs of the copies and it takes 4-6 weeks to hear anything from them. This is almost not worth the hassle. Once I get the copies I have to send it the county recorder office so the title can be changed over, and wait another 4-6 weeks. Then once I actually get the title I have to deal with the bank, and probably another month of paperwork. I might put the house on the market before that, so you can see why I'm not sure it's worth the trouble. Sometimes I wish I could the time to go to L.A. for a couple of weeks and just get it all taken care of. Meh!!!

12 Days

It's 12 days in to the new year, and so far things are starting out okay. The new car is lovely and I'm enjoying it quite a bit. I am getting all the little details of life sorted out, one at a time. Clay and I are going to Charlotte next weekend to give it a look-see. We'll see how that goes, I've never really spent any time there. Housing is really affordable, and it's supposed to be more of a "city" than Raleigh. So it's worth checking out I think.

My tenant in my house in L.A. Did pay some money, and another payment is due this weekend. Hopefully it will happen. He's been told if he doesn't keep up with the bills I'll have no choice but to kick him and sell the house. So let's hope it works out, I don't feel like dealing with that right now, soon but not now.

Life is looking up. I'm going to make sure it stays that way

A New Car

On Saturday I got a new car. Well new to me, but practically brand new all around. It's a 2007 Saturn Aura and it only had 3500 miles on it. It still has that new car smell. This is the first new car I have ever owned. The youngest car I ever had was 10 years old and my current car is 36. That one is my 1972 Datsun 240Z, which I did not sell. I want to restore it but I had to get it off the road as my daily driver first. So now I have something shiny and new with all the bells and whistles. I think Clay is amused by my joy at the simple things the Aura has, like power steering and heat! It's even got XM radio. Pretty neat. So I feel even more adult like with a car payment and a mortgage payment. Ahhh the joys of getting older.

Getting it Together

So it's a New Year, and time to get my life on track. I need to get all my loose ends tied up. This time of year I begin to stress, a lot. Taxes, they always drive me nuts. This year since I'm finally divorced, I am filing single again. I always have weird stuff with my taxes and luckily I can still use my same tax preparer that I've used for the past few years. I'll be a big ball of stress until mid March, yippee. (Can you feel the sarcasm?)

New Year's was great. Clay and I went downtown and got a few drinks, but we came home before midnight so we wouldn't be on the road with the drunken masses. After we got home, we had a great time ringing in the new year. Just the two of us. It's the way we both wanted to start the year, together.

So far this year I've tried to get things together. I am trying to get my house stuff in order.I need to get the title changed over to my name alone, so I can refinance or get my ex's name off the loan. My tenant is paying something now, but he's still behind. If he can't get caught up, then out he goes and the house goes on the market. I'm giving him a chance since he's a friend. I'm probably being too nice, but that's just the person I am. I care about my friends and will always give them the benefit of the doubt. So he gets one last chance to get it all caught up.

I really want this year to start out right. I want life to be in order. Maybe find a house to buy that I actually live in. Maybe get to a point where I feel safe enough to start a family. Wish me luck.