I guess I'll just keep trying

Christmas was nice, and it was good to be around people that care about me. There is nothing like getting laid off to find out who really cares about you. I got offered a job at the skydiving center, awesome! I can do it part time or full time, I'm going to talk to the DZO when he gets back from vacation, but he had sent me an emil with a job offer.

I had an interview for a general practice I applied to, I am not sure I can do general practice again. I have a working interview tomorrow, and we'll see how that goes and what they offer me. I just weird, they are very doctor dependent and I feel like I might get bored because I won't have to think or be challenged anymore. I'm just not sure about that one yet.

I've also thought about changing career direction all together, just find something new. So I've applied for a job with a little something different than what I'm used to, and I'll see if they even call me back. Ugh, looking for a job during the holiday season sucks.

I did have a wonderful Christmas and I managed to stay upbeat the whole day. (that part has been hard for me) I am looking forward to the new year and the changes that come along with new beginnings. I may not get the house I wanted, but if that's what is meant to be then I will come to terms with that. Everything happens for a reason, and I am being forced in to change I wanted anyway. I know everything will eventually be okay. Bring on the New Year!!! Happier things are heading my way. After all working at the skydiving center would be fantastic!

See I'm doing better today, and I occasionally get a good nights sleep. It would be nice if my brain had an off switch though.

Excuse me while I roll over and die

This past month has been insane, scratch that, the past 4 days! I went to work on Friday and was laid off a week before Christmas. It was a total BS reason, and I'm pretty sure it was financial decision. My feelings are hurt and I don't feel like I can trust anyone. Then later on that afternoon, some good news or so I thought.

It would appear that my house that I've been waiting 3 months to close on can finally close. I found out the day I got fired.I thought it might be okay until this morning. Since it took so long to close my rate lock on my loan expired and I have to start all over, but now I'm unemployed. I am not seeing a home loan in my future.

I am so distraught. I am a good person, with a good heart, and I am getting shafted. I have no idea what to do. I just want to cry, but I'm too angry. I can't sleep at night. I'm just so confused. I applied for a new job this morning and called about an application I had previously submitted somewhere else. I just feel like running away, but I'm an adult now and that doesn't really work. So I'll just sit here and have a mild nervous breakdown

I keep trying

My biopsy results came back, no cancer. The doc did not really explain what is going on with me and upped my thyroid medication dose. I am feeling better all over. I'll take that as a win since I feel better. Hopefully getting everything under control will put me back in control of my body and give me the chance to have a family of my own before it's too late.

No real word on the house yet, but it's not a dead deal yet. I am staying hopeful that they will accept my offer. It would be easier on the bank if they would sell me the house. It would make me happy and they wouldn't have to deal with foreclosing on the house.

I honestly think that it's my turn for things to go my way. It was a rough summer, but I really think everything balances out in the end. It's time for things to go the direction I've been trying to get them to go. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I love my life and the person I get to spend it with. There are just things I want to be better, like my job. I just want something different. I am almost wondering if it's just time for a new career. Maybe I need something different all together.

I don't know, this entry is kind of all over the place. I think I am just rambling the thoughts in my head out. Sometimes that's just what you have to do whether it makes sense to anyone else or not.

Have a good night. I hope your dreams come true and you get what you want in life.

It wasn't the week I was looking for

Another rough week behind me, but another week is on the horizon. On Tuesday I saw the endocrinologist and he says to me "I'm concerned about the mass on your thyroid". Wait, excuse me? Back up that choo-choo. What mass? This is some fairly important info my regular doc did not give me. So the endocrinologist said he want to do a biopsy, and it would only take about 5 minutes. He proceeded to stab me in the neck four times. It was okay at first, but by the fourth stab I was just about in tears. I couldn't turn my head for the rest of the day. Now it's almost a week later and it feels like I'm getting over strep throat. It made me decide not to go skydiving this weekend. With the pain in my throat, it was best not to have myself jerked around when my chute opens. I can't even sneeze without it hurting right now. I am supposed to call tomorrow and get the results.

You know something, this whole thing is a little overwhelming. I can't even process all of the possible outcomes. I am just going to wait and see what I'm dealing with and go from there. It's the only thing you can do.

Since I didn't get to go skydiving this weekend, I went and got a haircut. Time to change some things up so I cut off my hair. It's super short to me. Shorter than I've had it, for as long as I can remember. I've always had long hair, and now it's just shorter than chin length. How odd. Even more so that it feels natural. I am trying to bring change to me I guess. It's really cute and it makes me feel all spiffy. I like it. My boyfriend's eyes almost popped out of his head. It was cute.

Next week should be interesting. No news on the house yet, but I'm okay with that. One stressful thing at a time please.

Next week is going to be the week

I am staying positive. I am doing what I can. I have updated my resume, I have called to check the status of my application at the university I'm trying to get a job at. I go see the endocrinologist on Tuesday. Next week is going to be a good week. I WILL hear something back about my house. I WILL get my thyroid under control. I WILL go skydiving next weekend.

See, staying positive. I got to go jump yesterday, it was awesome. I ended up landing a little farther down the runway than I should have, but that's okay. At least I did not land in the trees. It happens, you turn a little early and realize you're going to the miss the landing zone. Then all you can do is make sure you land in a safe spot.

Things continue to move in the right direction, albeit slowly but that's okay. As long as good things keep happening I'll keep working towards my goals.

It's been a rough time

This past month and a half has been rough. My offer on my house downtown was accepted and I was supposed to close on the 16th, but the current owners have a lien on the house from an unpaid credit card. We are in the process of trying to work something out the banks so we can still buy it. It's more of waiting game right now.

I have had more doctor appointments than I would ever care to have, but hopefully everything will get under control soon. You see I've been trying to get pregnant and when they started to do a work up on why I wasn't getting pregnant they found I have thyroid issue. It's being worked up with ultrasound and blood tests. It's getting better, but my doc wants me to go see a specialist after getting my ultrasound results. I have to wait two more weeks to go see them. Also I have to go see a specialist for the infertility issue next week. Hopefully both doctor appointments will bring about some positive change. At least I know why I've been so tired, and why my hair was falling out. I can stop feeling like I must be going crazy. It will get better, my thyroid will get under control, and one day I'll have the chance to be a mother. I just keep moving forward in the meantime, keep the life I have now in a good place.

I am also trying to get a new job with a better chance for opportunity. I need to be in a place where advancement is available. A place where I can be challenged, and continue to learn.

I just need some change, and I'm doing what I can to bring about those changes. Sometimes it's hard and I can get fatalistic about my prospects for the future. I quickly get over that mindset, and realize that things will change as long as I keep pushing for them to change. I am doing all I can to get my life in a place where I want it to be. Don't get me wrong, I like my life. I just want to be able have my health, a family, a house, and a good job. No one is going to hand it to me, so I have to work for it. I will appreciate every part I achieve, and never give up until I get the life I want.

It's all about being positive, and believing that these changes are possible and deserved. So no matter how hard the past couple of months have been, it will get better. It all balances out in the end. I truly believe that.

Hello August

It's the middle of summer and the heat has been unbearable. Although I do recommend getting in to a small plane, riding up to about 13,000 feet and jumping out to cool off. This year summer has been life changing for me. I finally sold my house. What a relief that was. I found out I have hypothyroidism a few weeks ago, so now I will probably have to take medicine for the rest of life. At least now why I had been so down and tired, and that it wasn't just stress breaking down my body.

Now here's August and what is it going to bring? I applied for a new job, we'll see if anything happens there. I'm not really counting on it to go through, but I can't complain if I don't try.

There's a house I want to buy near downtown. Just a couple blocks from the dog park and super cute. maybe by the end of the week I'll know what's going to happen there.

Also more doctor appointments in my future, but they are all for the greater good. I will feel stronger, happier, have better teeth, and maybe a few other surprises. Going to the orthodontist as an adult is weird. I am going to try the Invisalign system. So no wires or brackets this time around.

Beach vacation is also this month. I am super excited about that! Plus there's going to be a new camera this time around. A waterproof one at that. The dogs can play in the ocean, and so can I. It's going to be a good trip.

It looks like it may be a pretty good month. Let's hope it turns out as good as I'm thinking it will. Fingers crossed.

Well that sucked

I put an offer on a house, not the one I originally talked about, it is super cute and right next to the dog park. The unfortunate thing is the people can't really sell it. They owe more than they are asking, so that would make it a short sale. It made me sad, because I really like that house and it felt like it should be mine. I guess it is not meant to be. We'll see what happens over the next few days though. I'm just sad about this one, because I really like that house.

Today has been pretty good

It is a beautiful day out today. I got to jump today. I have gone skydiving 16 times so far, only 9 more to go before I can get my license. I could have gone second time today but it's hard for me to spend that much in one day. I love this sport but boy is it expensive in the beginning. It keeps getting cheaper and when I'm licensed it will only costs about $25 a jump. I will be very happy when I get to that point.

This past week i went and got my yearly physical. My doc said he could feel my thyroid gland and asked if I have ever had it checked. I told him I did years ago when I was so skinny and everyone thought I must have an overactive thyroid. It was fine. My entire life I have struggled to gain weight, up until about 4 years ago. I just figured since I was over 30 my metabolism had changed. On Friday there was a message from the doctor's office asking me to come in for additional blood work. They said call back on Tuesday since it was a holiday weekend. This is a little nerve wracking, since I don't know what is going on. I guess I will just have to wait and see. I'm sure everything will turn out okay.

For some other good news. I went and looked at a house this week. I am surprised I am wanting to jump back in to this whole home ownership thing again, but it's a super cute house with a huge yard. We'll see what happens. I haven't put in an offer yet, because there is one more house I'm going to see next week.

Okay so there's a small update on my life. it seems like something is always moving along.

How time flies

It's been a little over 2 weeks since my house closed. You know it doesn't really feel that much different. Maybe it's because I've been so far removed from that house for a while. What does feel different is the bills I've been able to finally get ahead of for a change. No one calling me to see when I'm going to pay them, and me trying to figure out a way to delay it all. Now the phone is quiet, sweet silent relief. This part makes me very happy.

I did call my ex-husband to let him the know the house was gone and it took him less than a minute to ask me for money. Now I have taken care of that house by myself longer than we had it together. I have dealt with all the bills and headaches that went along with it. I did the repairs, and so on, and so on. I bought that house before we got married, and when we split up he said he wasn't going to make me do it alone. Big Fucking Lie. I wasn't surprised, and I expected it honestly. I was surprised that he had the nerve to ask me for money. Sometimes guys can be jerks and oblivious to other peoples feelings. I am not giving him jack. If he had helped once when I asked him, maybe I would feel differently. Anyhoo, moving on. At least there is nothing left that connects us now.

What did I do after I sold the house? Well I bought myself a used jumpsuit for skydiving and a new TV for the living room. Plus paid off my debt. All good things and none of it was too expensive.

Speaking of skydiving. I have completed 15 jumps so far, only 10 more to go to be eligible for my license. I am hoping to get a few of those jumps out of the way this week. Hopefully one or two on Thursday, and a few more on Saturday. We'll see. Hopefully I will get my new jumpsuit today, I am waiting for the FedEx guy to come now. Hopefully he will come soon.

I hope everyone is enjoying life out there. If not, change it and make it better.

The deed is done

The house is sold! It still feels very surreal. I did log in to my mortgage account this morning and it is gone, no mortgage! It's hard to adjust to this because I haven't been in my house for almost 2 years. It didn't feel like my house the last time I was there, and now it's not. The tenants are moving out this weekend, so I'm still not completely done with it all. Close enough to pay some bills though. I'm happy and sad. Now it's just time to see what the world has in store for me next. Everything seems wide open.

And waiting IS the hardest part

This waiting thing is driving me nuts. The tenant issue has been handled but I'm still not happy about it. It doesn't help that I'm selling a house on the west coast and I'm on the east coast. Since they are three hours behind their day starts so much later. I think the closing is actually scheduled for today, but I'm not positive. I won't be completely done with the house until the 17th because of the tenant issue, but I can deal with that. It's only an extra week right?

Here are the before and after pictures of my little house (Click on the pictures to see the full shot):
Before:


After:


I am going to miss that little house. I bought it almost 10 years ago. I literally put blood,sweat, and tears in to that house. At times I thought it would give me a nervous breakdown, but I survived. I thought at one time it would drive me to bankruptcy, but it didn't. It was a crap shack when I bought it, and I remodeled it myself (with some help of course). It was the location of some wonderful memories, and some sad memories as well. That's life though. I will never forget the first day I was there because my dog was so happy to have a yard for the first time in her life she refused to come inside and I had to carry her in. I lived there after I got married and divorced. It is a good house, and I had nice neighbors. I will always miss that little house to certain extent, it was my first home. Shoot it was the first yard I ever had too, and the first time I had lived in a single family home. Growing up we always lived in townhomes, and my mom still does. It was the source of a lot of fun and a lot of heartache. Thank you little house for being a part of my life. I hope the new owners will appreciate you as much as I did.

A little frustrated...

I decided to sell my house because I wasn't going to move back, and the tenants never seem to pay rent on time. Now here it comes to the last 2 days before closing (or so I thought) and i find out the fucking tenants haven't even moved out yet! The closing is now scheduled for Friday instead of Thursday and I have to pay the new owners $58 dollars a day for "rent" because the fucking tenants haven't moved out yet! Are you fucking kidding me? They haven't even paid all of May's rent. Not to mention June, since it's now June 8th. I am pissed honestly. I am broke, and I was counting on this to happen on Thursday. I know there is nothing I can do to change this, but still if you're not going to pay rent at least move the fuck out so the people that do want to pay for it can live there. I feel bad for the new owners because now they have to wait to move in to their home, which I'm sure they were counting on as well. UGH! Guess I need to go find a fax machine and agree to pay them rent.

Less than one week

Time is going by faster than I expected. My house closes in 5 DAYS! As of Friday everything is on track to close on time. I wonder if the people buying the house are just as happy about it as I am. I hope so, it is exciting on both sides of the coin. I am looking forward to being out of debt, and not worrying about a house I don't live in. Also the possibility that I may be able to buy a house I do live in, wouldn't that be neat? I wonder what new adventures life is going to bring me after this. Hopefully this week will fly by and by next weekend I should actually have money to spend on something fun. I am tired of having $5 in my account after paying all the bills. This week I'm broke, but for once it doesn't matter that much. Last month the tenants that were renting my house didn't pay their rent, but they don't live their now and the security deposit should cover it. I'm not that concerned about that either. Normally that stresses me out since they had a history of not paying on time, and I always had to cover the mortgage. They eventually would pay, but still, what a pain in the ass.

I am looking forward to next week. I'm just hoping everything goes as planned.

Less than two weeks now

This is just weird. Am I really selling my house? Is it really going to work out this time? It seems so unreal, partly because I haven't lived in that house for a while. Shoot it's been over a year since I've even seen it. It makes me distant from the whole thing. I am looking forward to finally being able to have that fresh start. No mortgage for house I don't live in, debt free, with a world of options open in front of me.

The funny thing is that a move to back to California is on the table right. Clay got offered a job in Palm Springs, and he is at least considering it, which he should. After all it is something completely different, and far away from NC. Don't get me wrong there are a lot of good things going for us here, but being this close to family is a pain sometimes. We'll see what happens after the house sells.

Right now I'm just letting things happen, and seeing what the results are. It seems to be going pretty well for me. I am trying to learn to relax, which is hard for me. I worry by nature and i wonder what will happen when I don't have to worry about the little house anymore. Clay says I'll find something new to worry about, he's probably right.

Let's see, what else is going on. I went to the dentist recently and there is some dental work that needs to be handled but I'm doing it a little bit at a time. I am also going to a consult with an orthodontist. I have had braces twice and my bottom teeth are still crooked. This bothers me a lot. The dentist said they may just need to remove a tooth to make room in my mouth for my teeth to be straight. Okay, I can deal with that. It would solve a lot of the dental issues if those bottom teeth were straight. I'll go next week and figure all of that out.

Life is moving forward and this time I'm moving with it. The direction seems to keep changing, but I'm okay with that.

3 weeks and counting

It is three weeks from today that my house should close. Today I mailed off my escrow paperwork, and hopefully my part is done now. It passed inspection, appraisal, termite inspection (with $550 repairs needed), and repair requests by the buyers has been handled. I am a little sad about the repair request. See there is a giant redwood tree in the front yard. The problem is it's right next to the house, less than five feet away. They want it removed and the driveway repaired. It's a reasonable request, the tree is a hazard, and it has made a hump in the driveway that creates a little lake when it rains. It's sad because that tree os over 100 feet tall and you can see it from the freeway. I always wanted to have christmas lights put around it so I could light it up for all to see. There will be a lot of relieved neighbors when that tree is gone, but a lot of sad residents of the area as well. People know that tree because it is one of the biggest in the area. Luckily for me the buyers don't want me to pay for all of it. They basically want a third of the cost credited to them at closing, I agreed because I know they want the house and I don't want it anymore at this point in my life. don't get me wrong, I love that little house, but I would love being debt free even more. it's been a huge headache for me over the past few years since I got divorced and it's time to move on with my life, with a fresh start.

In other news, last week was my birthday and I had the best birthday ever. I spent a week in the mountains enjoying everything around me and just relaxing. Also last Saturday (May 15th) I passed my last AFF jump in skydiving and I am halfway to getting my license! Only about 14 more jumps and I'll be there. Now that I've learned how to survive it's time to learn all the fun stuff that goes along with the sport like formations and sky tricks. Exciting, huh? I'm really glad I found something I enjoy so much. Every time I see a beautiful day I want to go to the DZ (dropzone) and go jump.

So things are looking up, and this makes me happy. I think it's time for me to have my turn for fun in this life. I'm doing my best to get there.

So far, so good

The house is still in escrow, no one has backed out yet. The inspection was yesterday and the only things that popped up was the batteries in the smoke detectors need to be replaced and the pilot light in the heater needs to be fixed. Not bad for and 86 year old house. Today is termite inspection and the appraisal. I guess this will be the last of the major hurdles on my side, then it turns in to a waiting game. Waiting for the end of the month, until it can all close. The buyers got it under contract in time for them to get the homebuyer's tax credit, so that's good for them. I'm letting myself get a little more excited now, the idea of being debt free is pretty darn nice. It is going to make quite a few things a lot easier. Maybe I could even buy a house I live in, I know what a crazy idea. Thank goodness for my agent, she has rocked this sale so far.

Fingers still crossed, but not as hard

Today escrow should open on my house. I accepted the offer from the people the first people that made an offer. There were two interested parties, and they both made an offer. So it is actually selling for $4000 more than asking price, weird huh? Well "in this market" So now it's time for home inspections and such, and we'll see how that all goes. I'm trying not to get excited but I think these people really want the house. I am hoping for smooth sailing from now until closing. It would be a huge load off of my mind if this all goes through. I'll pay off my mortgage plus a little something for me. Won't that be nice, not to stress about the bills every month. The next week will be the stressful one since they still have time to back out. So I'm trying not to get too excited, although it's kind of hard not to be at least a little excited. Happy thoughts!

Keeping my fingers crossed

On Wednesday I received an offer on my house, it's contingent on the buyers seeing in the inside. Since it's currently rented the agent has to work out showings with the tenants. Apparently there are showings on Sunday and Monday, which means there is at least 2 interested parties. That's kind of neat, especially since there is already one offer for full asking price. I am interested to see what happens here. I am not going to get excited until I'm sure an offer is going to go through, but it is nice to know people are interested in my little house.

How time changes things

It's been a long time since I've posted anything here. I guess I go back and forth between here and LJ. 2010 is already shaping up to be a year of change. i am working hard to make those changes happen, all for the better.

Once the crazy chick left my job things have gotten so much better. The overall attitude of the hospital is brighter and I enjoy going to work again. It's been some hard days with training the new people for the surgery department but it's been good. No "holier than thou" attitudes to work with makes for a better workplace.

A couple of months ago one of my dogs got parvo, at 10 months of age. When I adopted him I was told he was vaccinated but I guess something was wrong. Either the vaccines weren't good or he was younger than they thought. He's better now, and I am so thankful for that.

Skydiving is awesome! I have jumped 10 times so far, I plan on continuing. I have to make it to 25 jumps to get my license, I'm working hard to get to that goal. On my 10th jump I finally stuck a landing on my feet, what a great feeling! One more jump and I should graduate my AFF program and move on to the required solo jumps i need to get licensed. Then I will be able to jump anywhere in the world. That should vacations even more fun.

Last week I made a decision. My tenants in my house went month to month on their lease, and I decided to try and sell the house one more time. Mostly to see what would happen. Less than a week later I have an offer for full asking price. I am completely surprised by this, but I'm not going to get excited. After all they haven't even seen the inside yet, and anything can happen. I'm just going to let this ride out and let what happens happen. It sure would take a load of stress off of my shoulders. It's not very fun to have a house 3000 miles away that you don't live when you rent the one you do live in. Plus I'm a worrier by nature and that does not make it any easier. Thank goodness for property management. I think I might have gone insane without it. There are all kinds of thoughts in my head about "what if the sale goes through and I have a check in hand?' but I'm not going to concentrate on that right now. It's fun to think about being debt free though.

I guess you could 2010 has already had some significant ups and downs, but that's life. I keep moving forward and I'm trying hard not to let things get to me as much. You have to be happy with what you have and keep working for those extra things you want.

Whoopsie Daisy

I have posted nothing in a long time. I think I will change this, tomorrow. I am procrastinating everything today if possible.